Lesson 1: Parenting 101
- Understand what authoritative parenting is
- Understand the benefits of authoritative parenting
- Identify your strengths and weaknesses based on authoritative parenting principles
- Know what the different temperaments are and see if you can identify what your child is
- Think of a relationship with one or more of your children that you want to improve and create goals that you want to achieve
- Notebook/journal of some sort to write down thoughts and questions and to answer prompts.
- Print the two articles below to read and take notes on
Parenting is one of the most important pursuits we have in this life and yet most parents do not know where to find good information on what effective parenting entails. Many parents turn to what their parents did because that is what they know. For example, when I had my first child, my grandmother yelled at me for picking up my baby when he was crying because she said that I would spoil him. That was the parenting philosophy she had been taught in her day. While some of those practices may have worked in their time, parents are facing many challenges that have never been dealt with before such as social media and technology.
There are many great resources available for teaching family life education,
especially now that the internet has made information easy to access. However,
there are also a lot of ideas that are not based on sound research. While
people have good intentions, we feel that it is necessary to put forth
research-based information on parenting so that people are educated. Then they can make informed decisions for their families.
Your Attic
Kris: I am the mother of
nine children. I have struggled with knowing how to be a parent. I grew
up in a family where there were many marriages and divorces along with verbal,
emotional, and physical abuse. When it came time to parent my own children, I
worried that I didn't have the right tools. I had to do some deep
self-evaluation and research to learn about parenting practices that would help
me. I didn't know where to look at first. There were so many philosophies and
some of them seem to contradict each other. I had to learn for myself how to
evaluate each one based on sound research and personal experience. You can do
the same! This is why I feel strongly about sharing research-based parenting
principles and practices. JOURNAL: Think about your parent's parenting style, beliefs, and practices. Most likely some of these have been passed onto you like items in an attic that have been collected over the years. Write down some of the treasures that you want to keep. Write down the junk that you want to throw out that won't benefit you and that doesn't fit with your parenting goals. See if you can identify what your attitudes, values, and beliefs about parenting are and write them down.
Now, let's see if we can add to your knowledge and skills by teaching you what research says about parenting styles and practices.
Parenting Styles
- Parenting style is the emotional climate and control in which parents raise their children.
- Parenting practices are specific actions that parents employ in their parenting.
Diana Baumrind studied parenting styles in great depth along with others in the field to develop four basic parenting styles. Some researchers have also created a fifth category based on parenting practices that are being seen in today's world.
Watch this video and the following movie clips--> Overview of parenting styles and outcomes
EXAMPLES IN MOVIES:
Authoritative - Lion King
Permissive Parenting - Willy Wonka
Authoritarian - Brave
Neglectful - Matilda
JOURNAL: What stood out to you in each clip? How did the
clips make you feel? This will help you to identify some of your beliefs and
attitudes about parenting. Write them down.
Child happiness (Hayek)
Academic achievement (Hayek)
Emotional intelligence (Yadev)
Psychological well-being (Yadev)
Higher social competencies (Bornstein)
Greater mental health later in life (Uji)
Positive adjustment into emerging adulthood (McKinney)
Kris: For instance, I have one child that is laid back, generally cheerful, and very self-motivated. He appears to be confident in his abilities and needs very little guidance from me. I have another child that is very anxious and worries about people liking him. He also worries that he is going to make a mistake. When he was a baby, this anxiousness was displayed in stormy moods, screaming fits, and a struggle to get into a sleep routine. Once I figured out that he is highly sensitive, I learned to be careful about how I phrase things and how I interact with him. In both instances, the authoritative parenting practice of listening is helpful because it allows me to be aware of what is bothering my children. One will directly say what is bothering him and I ask questions to help him formulate his thoughts and come up with a plan. The other will hint about things. I learned that if my son brings things up repeatedly and seems antsy that something is weighing on him. I learned to look for those cues and ask questions that will draw out more information. Then I respond to him in a way that reassures him. 
Read this article and think about your child/children--> Temperament and Goodness of Fit
Summary of Temperament
1. Activity Level: A child with a passive activity level tends to choose activities that are more calm or quiet. An active activity level may look like a child going from one thing to the next while running around all the time and may feel like they never stop.
2. Rhythmicity, or biological rhythm: With this one, the scale is more between regular and irregular than active and passive. A regular rhythm tends to stick better to a schedule and routine whereas an irregular rhythm is, well, irregular and may need to be more flexible in its routines.
3. Initial Reaction: How do you react to things? Do you go in feet first, or do you take your time? Active initial reactions tend to jump in and go forward with new things, and passive initial reactions take their time and may even withdraw for a time before trying anything new.
4. Adaptability: Children with high adaptability can shift from one task to another easily while children with low adaptability may have a harder time with transitions from different activities and may need more warnings.
5. Sensory Threshold: This trait is focused on how people, and children, react to their environment. A high-sensitivity reaction may react strongly to any type of stimuli, like bright lights or uncomfortable clothes. Low sensitivity may not react at all or seem unfazed by the same things.
6. Quality of Mood: This is the overall tone of children’s feelings or behaviors. Positive mood quality has a positive outlook and is happy about most things. Negative mood quality may look calm, even, or even gloomy.
7. Intensity of Reaction: This basically means how people, and children, react to any situation. High-intensity reactions may seem like outbursts or overdramatic in some situations. Low-intensity reactions are typically very mild in any situation and may be hard to tell how they actually feel.
8. Distractibility: Some children are more distracted than others. High distractibility quickly shifts from one thing and may not be able to focus for long periods of time. Low distractibility can focus easily and block out distractions.
9. Attention Span: Close to distractibility, attention span is a willingness to stick to a certain task (also called persistence). High persistence will stick with a task until they finish or figure it out and lower persistence may move on as soon as it becomes difficult.
Temperament may change slightly over the years, but these are traits that tend to linger. Each active and passive type comes with its own list of pros and cons so do not feel as if you have to change your child’s nature but find ways to work with them.
This leads us to another principle-goodness of fit. Because each child has different temperaments, there will never be a “one size fits all” type of parenting plan or environment that works for every child. Figuring out each child’s temperament helps you to find what support, environment, or expectations work best for each individual child.
Understanding a child’s temperament doesn’t mean shrugging your shoulders saying,
“Oh well, that’s just the way this child is.”
It is an invitation to help a child develop acceptable behavior and skills.
(Nelson, Erwin, & Duffy)
JOURNAL: Think of your child/children. Identify their temperament. What have you learned about how to handle challenging situations with this child? Write down your insights and things you want to try based on their temperament and authoritative parenting principles as a guide.
SUMMARY
- Show love, support, and responsiveness
- Let the child know your expectations and set clear boundaries
- Encourage open communication and be an active listener
- Be flexible in order to meet different needs and situations
- Be aware of your child's needs, temperament, and capabilities
- Recognize that your child is an individual with their own goals, desires, likes, and dislikes, and allow them to express their opinions, beliefs, and values
- Remember that children learn best through making choices and seeing the natural consequences of their actions (good or bad)
- How to support autonomy in every stage and why it is important
- How to deal with misbehavior or behavior that you don't approve of (High demandingness: Behavior management vs. Psychological control)
- How to create a healthy connection and build a strong relationship with your child (High love and responsiveness)
OPTIONAL: If you want to study more about authoritative parenting and temperament:
Parenting Style and Social Development
Ballantine, J. (2001). Raising competent kids: The
authoritative parenting style. Childhood Education, 78(1),
46. https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A79474946/CSIC?u=byuidaho&sid=ebsco&xid=987b2bed
Hayek, J., Schneider, F., Lahoud, N., Tueni, M., & de Vries, H. (2022). Authoritative parenting stimulates academic achievement, also partly via self-efficacy and intention towards getting good grades. PLoS ONE, 17(3), 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0265595
Krasanaki Α., Vasiou Α., & Tantaros Σ. (2022). Parenting styles and social behavior of children and adolescents. Psychology: The Journal of the Hellenic Psychological Society, 27(1), 142–160. https://doi.org/10.12681/psyhps.25819
Lavrič, M., & Naterer, A. (2020). The power of authoritative parenting: A cross-national study of effects of exposure to different parenting styles on life satisfaction. Children and Youth Services Review, 116. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2020.105274
Nelsen, J., Erwin, C., & Duffy, R. A. (2019). Positive discipline for preschoolers, revised: For their early years -- Raising children who are responsible, respectful, and resourceful (4th ed.). Harmony.
Yadav, P., Shukla, P., Padhi, D., & Chaudhury, S. (2021). A correlational study between perceived parenting style, psychological well-being, and emotional intelligence among adolescents. Industrial Psychiatry Journal, 30, 108–114. https://doi.org/10.4103/0972-6748.32879
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